Sometimes a new chapter for the people we love also becomes the beginning of one for ourselves.
My eldest son has now been at university for over a month, and I think I'm only just beginning to take it all in.
He is absolutely loving life in London, making friends, finding his feet and enjoying this new chapter. I'm so happy that he's happy. Watching your children grow into independent young adults and start following their own dreams is surely one of the greatest privileges of being a parent.
Yet it's a strange feeling, too. One of my boys has flown the nest, I still have two at home, and my husband and I are beginning to contemplate what life might look like when, in a few years, all three have left home.
I'm not sad in the way people might expect. I haven't cried. More than anything, I feel grateful. Grateful to be a mum, grateful for the life we've shared and hopeful that we've helped our boys grow into good people who will find their own way in the world.
Perhaps that's why I've been feeling so nostalgic lately. Not because I wish I'd done things differently, but because I can see how much love and life there has been in all those years.
A wonderfully chaotic adventure
When I look back at the boys growing up, I remember a family life that was busy, noisy, chaotic and full of little adventures.
I watched their school plays and went to their matches whenever I could. I got involved in the parent-teacher associations, helped organise events and even found myself chairing the PTA at one point. It was more out of necessity than ambition, but I stepped up, and some of those parents are still my friends today.
I dressed as a Christmas elf year after year at the Christmas fair, ran stalls at summer fairs and threw myself into school life. There were school discos, sports days, trick-or-treating and all the little traditions that become part of a family's story.
We even had Christmas elves, one for each of the boys, bringing a little magic into the house each December.
It wasn't always calm or perfectly organised. Far from it. There was plenty of chaos, but I hope the boys felt that everything was infused with love.
Looking back, I feel lucky to have been able to do so much. I know not every parent has the time, flexibility or opportunity to be involved in the same way, and I'm grateful to my husband for enabling me to do it.
Over the years, people sometimes suggested that I should make more use of my degree or follow a different career path. The truth is that I always wanted to be a mum. I never imagined I'd end up with three boys, but what a wonderful adventure it has been.
I don't look back and feel that I missed out on something else. I feel that I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Finding my way without my own mum
There is another part of this story that has shaped me.
My own mum died when the boys were all three and under. I was bringing up three very little children without my mum to turn to, and I was doing it away from my wider family.
There were so many things I had to navigate without being able to pick up the phone and ask her what she thought, or share the everyday moments that mums and daughters might otherwise take for granted.
You find your way, because you have to. You learn as you go, make decisions, get things wrong sometimes and keep moving forward.
I don't tell this part of my story for sympathy. It's simply part of who I am and the life I've lived. It has made me appreciate the importance of family, friendships and having people around you who understand you.
Perhaps it has also shaped the way I think about creating experiences and bringing women together now. There is something very special about having a community, a place to belong and people with whom you can share the different stages of life.
We don't all have the same experiences, but we have more in common than we sometimes realise.
Being happy for them, and wondering what comes next
I think one of the strange things about parenting is that you spend so many years preparing your children for independence, and then, when they begin to find it, you realise that your own life is changing, too.
The routines that have shaped so much of family life gradually shift. The house may become quieter. There will be fewer lifts to arrange, fewer school events in the diary and fewer everyday reasons for everyone to gather under one roof.
Of course, there will be new things to look forward to. Different conversations, visits home, family traditions that evolve and the pleasure of seeing the boys build lives of their own.
I'm excited for them. Each of them will find his own path, and I hope they feel free to follow their dreams, even if those dreams take them somewhere I hadn't imagined.
At the same time, my husband and I are beginning to think about our own next chapter. What will we want our days to look like? What will we do with the time that has previously been filled with family life? What new experiences might we enjoy together?
I don't have all the answers yet. I don't think I need to.
There is something rather lovely about being at a stage of life where you can look back with gratitude and forward with curiosity.
The next chapter was already beginning
Perhaps this is one of the reasons I started Natamiri Retreats.
Natamiri brings together so many things I've always loved: luxury, relaxation, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, manifestation, positivity, good food, friendship and a sense of community.
I've always loved the idea of creating a beautiful environment where people can come together, feel comfortable, try something new, have meaningful conversations and enjoy experiences that stay with them long after they've ended.
Our retreats bring women together in a way that feels natural. There is time for the planned activities, but also time for laughter, shared meals, walks, little discoveries and conversations that might never have happened otherwise.
When I think about it, those things have been part of my life for years. The yoga began long before Natamiri. From prenatal yoga to classes with the boys when they were babies, and then yoga in our garden and living room over Zoom during lockdown, it has been woven into our family life in different ways.
Now, I'm bringing those interests together into something of my own.
I hope the boys will be part of that world one day, too, in whatever way feels right for them. For now, I'm excited to see where their lives take them, while discovering what this next chapter might hold for me.
Perhaps that's what change really offers us. Not simply an ending, but the opportunity to carry the best parts of our lives into something new.
Pause & Reflect
What part of your life might you look back on one day and wish you could revisit?
It could be a family tradition, a stage of your children's lives, time with a particular person or simply the ordinary routines that make up your days.
What do you appreciate about this chapter of your life, just as it is?
You don't need to hold on to every moment or wish things would stay the same. You can be grateful for where you've been, enjoy where you are and still look forward to what comes next.
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